sunday sessions/feeding the soul {gandhi}



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Very wise words from Gandhi.  I can take something away from all ten of these.

Which one speaks to you the most?

more is love

Last night I'd hit a writing block.  I wanted to write, was ready to write but nothing came.  So I went to bed with my trusty iPad to catch up on some blog reading.

It was then that I read a post that struck a cord.  It just made sense.

The art of making my life simple and finding peace was becoming too complicated.  When all I had to do was DO MORE OF WHAT I LOVE!

Simple.

The article I read was from Lisa over at the gorgeous Lisa and Mini Ginger.


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I left behind a life that was busy, hard, stressful and overall not much fun.  Relationships grew stronger while sadly some fell apart. I become a shell of the person I used to be.

After fighting my way through crippling depression and coming back a stronger person, a person more focused on the positives, I vowed to make my life simple, fun and full of love.

A big part of moving forward was learning that I couldn't change peoples perception or opinions of things, no matter how hard I tried.  It was making me bitter and angry.  Emotions that were, and still aren't healthy for me (or anyone for that matter).  I had to let these people go.

I have learnt not to let people walk over me.  I have learnt I have a voice that needs to be heard.  I have learnt to stand up for myself. 

And that I will NEVER allow anyone to make me feel worthless.

I'm a firm believer in that things happen for a reason.  When you are midst of a crisis, more often than not, those reasons are hard to find.  I now know what my lessons to learn were.  I've grabbed onto them, grown and moved onto a much happier version of ME.

The past can't change.  We can only leave it behind and walk, walk on to happier destinations.

I will do more of what I love and to do that I must be the BEST version of myself.

My life is full.  Full of  love, I just needed to be reminded.

tale of a deb dress (subtitle: ash & tears)

We downsized 14 months ago from a 4 bedroom + study home to a 3 bedroom + no study town house, which I love!  As you know I'm not a hoarder but who knew someone like me could accumulate so much stuff?!

Yesterday high on my agenda was getting my garage sorted out. Finally.

My son has half the garage for his xbox, PS3 and a place for him and his mates to hang out so it leaves a limited amount of room.  Valuable real estate as I call it.

I'm very happy with what I achieved in there yesterday.

Then it came to my deb dress, I posted this pic on Instagram and FB yesterday.


I'm being brave! This is my Deb Dress from 1988, my house bunt down in 1990, note the ash on the dress! It was one of only a few things spared. I hadn't been able to throw it away as my Nanny bought it for me. But I have this sense that's it's ok for me to let it go. Must. Be. Brave.


Now I don't know who I was kidding when I thought I could throw away this dress.  I mean really.

Given it's survived a fire and that I still have it after 24 years I think discarding it is NOT an option.

I had so much love from everyone saying keep it and ways for me to keep a small part of it, such as frame a piece soot and all to cutting a small piece off to add to a family quilt.  But I've decided to keep the whole dress.  For now.  It was far too traumatic for me to part with it.  Tears and all.

My wedding dress I sold without a moments hesitation as my Nanny made my son's Christening gown, bonnet and pillow from left over fabric and beading from my dress.  I'm far more attached to that than I ever was to the wedding gown.  I mean that in a nice way!

I clearly remember the day Nanny and I went shopping for the dress.  I was down on school holidays from Queensland and it was important to her that she buy me the dress.  Nanny lived in a country town just out of Canberra in a place called Queanbeyan.  People from Canberra tend to mock Queanbeyan believing it to be a poor second cousin.  Which is a shame really.  I LOVE the place.  So many wonderful memories, especially when people say they're 'going down the street'.

On a side note I just remembered that Nanny took me shopping for my first ever bra, down the street, at Grace Brothers!

Anyway, we went out early, it was the first dress I tried on, but we both agreed to check out the other bridal shops in town.  Of course we ended going back to the very first dress.  It was a whopping $900 which was a LOT of money back in 1988, but Nanny said I had to have it, given that it was a perfect fit.  She put it on layby and dutiful paid it off over time.

This is the dress in all it's glory as it should be shown (excuse my 18 year old self with really big 80's hair, thanks to a spiral perm, and the poor quality of photo, no digital photos back then!)

My son goes to the same school I did, so he gets to see my year group deb photo every time he walks into assesmbly.  Quite funny really!

Thank you Nanny for making such wonderful memories.

What can't you throw out no matter how much you TRY?

sunday session/feeding the soul {withholding}

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Sometimes I find Eckhart Tolle's books a little hard to understand, it's a difficult read.

However this speaks volumes.

flowers make me smile

I'm pretty sure I love flowers just as much as candles!

They have the ability to make a room warm and inviting, add the finishing touch to your dinner table and evoke wonderful memories.

For me when I see red roses and any purple flowers they remind me of my Grandma and Grandad.  Grandad grew red roses in the front garden and my Grandma loved anything purple.

Hydrangeas remind me of my Nanny and Poppy as their long driveway had these lined up the length of the drive.  They were so full and gorgeous.

Creamy white roses bring back memories of my wedding day.

The above table I styled for a relaxed outdoor get together.  You don't have to spend a lot of money on flowers or even the vase you put them in.   You'll see that I have used glass jars and tin pots.

Be creative find things around your home that you can use for a vase, such as glass jars and tin cans.  Op shops have a wonderful eclectic range of vases and of course IKEA has some very inexpensive vases.  Be creative and look outside the box!

Source a local flower market near home.  They are less than half the cost of a retail outlet, are fresher and will last longer.  I've been lucky enough to find one near me, only weekends though, they pick the flowers  the day before so are incredibly fresh.  Buying this way doesn't ensure your favourite flower or colour will be there but I always manage to work around it!

Do you love flowers in your home?  What's your favourite of all time?!

gym junkie!

Well ok I might not be a gym junkie YET, but one must be positive about these things!

I did a bold thing yesterday and joined a newly opened gym within walking distance from home.

Feeling both a little freaked out and excitied about joining the gym.  Excited because I so did love the gym when I was younger, and I'm looking to find that girl again.  Freaked out, because what if I fail, what if I can't do it AND it's a guys and girls gym and previously I've only been to ladies gyms.

But I CAN DO THIS!



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 And you know why?

Because I'm ready.  Simple.

The stars must have been in alignment and the universe willing me on to join this particular gym, I'm sure of it!  I say that because the gorgeous girl who took me around for orientation was, only 2 years ago, 130kgs.  She is now a Personal Trainer, and she has a rocking body!

After filling out the obligatory paperwork I was passed onto Peta for my orientaion, she handed me a brochure and said this is for you.  I thought to myself, here we go she's tyring to push PT lessons onto me.  I had been watching her through the office window training someone and I thought I wonder if I will EVER look like that.

I looked down at the brochure and saw before and after pictures, I assumed she was showing me some of her clients.  But I was wrong.

Those pictures were of her.

And only two years ago.

For the first time EVER I felt connected to someone about my weight.  Someone who understands what it's like to be trapped in a body you don't want to be in and the struggles that go with it every single dam day.  Someone who found their way out, and who can now help ME.

I know it can be done. 

It's going to be tough, and I'm going to doubt myself along the way but I'll get there.

Get ready cause here I come!

writing & blog direction



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Earlier on this week I read a blog post that really struck a cord with not only me but the direction of my blog.

Cherie from A Baby Called Max wrote this post as part of her requirements for the KidSpot Top 50 Bloggers competition.

She wrote that she's a shy, quite person and the written word comes far easier to her than the spoken.  And that she primarily blogs for Max, her boy.

LIGHT BULB MOMENT!

That's me.  I find it so much easier to express and articulate myself in writing versus the spoken word, and I have always been like that.  And I have always writen, just for me, because it brings me both enjoyment and an outlet for my emotions.

When I first started my blog (not that long ago) I wanted to concentrate on a niche, and for me that is my love of cooking, wine, coffee, interior and party styling.  But I struggled because I so wanted to write more about my life and my experiences, and that just didn't fit in with my so called 'niche'.

I want to be able to look back at my blog and for it to bring back memories of good times and bad, my struggles and triumphs.  My blog isn't so much for my son, it's for me.  A place to express my thoughts and emotions, perhaps my writing can help someone going through a similar experience, or even simply make another smile.

So with my light bulb moment my niche is firmly out the window.  I will continue to blog about my passions but you will find more posts about my life.  And as a Mum I talk about my son a lot, and I mean A LOT!

I now write for me.  And hopefully you as my reader will enjoy my journey with me.

Like everyone I have a story to tell, and this is MY book.

Baby Memories & PND

I found my diary the year my son was born!

1998.

And I'm keeping it.  Cause I'm sentimental like that.

I won't bore you with the dates of his milestones such as eating solids for the first time, rolling over and his endless doctor and clinic appointments.

But I had forgotten how much time we had spent in hospital.  I was sick, then he was sick, then we were sick together and then he was sick again.  PND decided to its ugly head and we were back in hospital AGAIN. Hmmm. 

It actually feels like yesterday, reading the diary, and the feeling of sheer helplessness make me catch my breath.  Especially when my Mum had to fly back home to work, I felt like my heart was going to break in half and I remember sitting up in the hospital bed with gut wrenching sobs.  Doesn't matter how old you are you always need your Mumma.

For those with PND I understand and I hear you.  I know what's going on in your head and the feelings that you're experiencing.  But please know it will get better and you will delight in the sheer joy of being a Mum.  I didn't have that until my son was about six months old, and boy when it kicks in it kicks you hard.

Sometimes I still feel cheated that I missed out on those first six months.  They were a total blur and truthfully I don't even know how we made our way through it.  But we got there.

And today my boy is 13, gorgeous, handsome and the light of my life.

Had to have a giggle though at his due dates, the cheeky boy didn't want to come out! 

Scan due date was 6th May.
Calculated due date was 15th May.

He was born after a 14 hour natural labor at 12.55pm on 20th May (the same day my doctor had me booked in for an induction in case he hadn't arrived by then!)

Trust me. It gets better and it's everything you'd imagine it would be and more.

I know.

sunday session/feeding the soul {beautiful pictures}



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Clothes Gym Me & Ebay

It's been a hell of a tough journey for me in the last two years.  Now that I'm coming out the other end it's all about being authentic to myself.

Someone who I have ignored for a VERY LONG TIME.

Maybe because my son is getting older I'm finding more time for myself or that I've simplified my life, perhaps it's a combination of both.  Either way I don't care because I love the direction where I'm heading.

I'm proud to say I'm getting real with my weight.  It's been a constant struggle since I was 10 years old, co-incidentaly the year that my Mother left us.  From then on my weight, like a lot of women, flucuates all over the place.  And with every major bump in my road the weight gets bigger and bigger.

But (yes ladies there is a but!) my GP also believes there to be some underlying medical issues (being in early menopause does not help!)  regarding my weight and the inability to loose a dam kilo.  So I'm off to see an Endrocrinologist for any answers.

You wouldn't know it but I used to LOVE going to the gym and was even known to go for a RUN on the beach after a gym session.  Where did that ME go?

Well I'm off to find her again.  My boy and I have joined a newly opened gym within walking distance from home.  There are to be NO excuses not to go.  I'm actually really looking forward to starting and getting this show on the road.

I'm never going to that skinny girl but I want to be healthy, happy and have a kick ass wardrobe!

That brings me to Ebay and my clothes.

I've fallen in love with the gorgeous girls at Suger Coat It and Danimezza.  I love how they are not afraid of colour and they look stunning.

Skimming through my wardrobe I realised I only wear a handful of clothes.  So with Suger and Dani quitely mentoring me in my head I culled nearly everything!  And it's all (well nearly all) listed on Ebay.

Being authentic to onself's requires a new wardrobe. Right?!

Stuck in a Place Between Zero & One

Last night while perusing Face Book I came across a video that Eden from Eden Land shared on her page.

BTW if you don't know who Eden is (are you living under a rock?!) she's doing AMAZING work over on her Blog and has just come back from a trip to Niger Africa with World Vision. You'll fall in love with her.

Anyway back to my story!

I have lost count the amount of times I have watched this video.  As I said on my FB page last night I felt that he wasn't talking to me, but rather yelling.

And yes Universe I HAVE listened.

I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.  And there was a reason I found this, my new beginings.




Because "life isn't just a sequence of waiting for things to be done".

Let's get this started.

Easter Cup Cakes

I know, I know Easter is over!  But I want to share with you the goodies that I made for my family.

During the process of cooking and baking over the Easter break I had a revelation that I love baking sweets far more than savoury fare.  Indeed a revelation to me but not apparently to my family!

This is first of three posts covering the sweet delights over Easter, apart from the choc bunnies which I think I just ate my last one, yay!

I whipped up a batch of vanilla cupcakes (can't go past a vanilla cuppie!), iced all with a chocolate butter cream and decorated half with a simple speckled egg.

The other half of the batch I decorated with shredded coconut and again one speckled egg, to represent a nest; new life.

Are you slightly obsessed with the humble cup cake as am I?!

That's Easter Done & Dusted

Wow what a HUGE four days!




I think I might need to cleanse my poor system, way too much food, wine and chocolate bunnies!

Feeling a little emotionally drained tonight. Although I knew this Easter would be hard, the first without any of my Grandparent's, I didn't expect the wall of emotion to hit me like a freight train.

In all honesty I'd probably been suppressing those tears for far too long and they had to spill out sometime. That and knowing my Mum, who lives in another State, is not coping with loosing her Mother.

But being surrounded by fabulous family made for a warm and loving Easter.

How did you spend your Easter?

Quesadillas

Another super easy dish that the children will enjoy, from our family favourite cook book I Want to be a Chef.

Ingredients

Makes 4

1 tablespoon oil
500g minced meat (or chicken)
35g packet taco seasoning mix
125g tomato salsa
230g tinned refriend beans
250g grated low-fat tasty cheese
4 flour tortillas
sour cream, to serve

Method

Heat the oil in a frying pan and cook the meat, using a fork to break up any lumps.

Add the taco seasoning and stir, cooking for 2 minutes.  Add the salsa. Stir until warmed through.  Remove from the heat.

In a small saucepan, heat the refriend beans with 4 tablespoons of water until the mixture is thick.

To make the quesadillas, put some of the cheese on half of each tortilla.  Top with the meat mixture, refried beans and more cheese.

Fold the top over and cook each one in a frying pan over medium heat until browned on both sides.  Serve with a dollop of sour cream.

My Boy

Today I had an entirely different post in my head.  But being the first day of the Easter school holidays and having my two nephews today along with Mr 13, I couldn't collect my thoughts together to write anything.

But then the mail came.

And with it Mr 13's first term Year 9 report.

I was reading the report and impressed with the way he was travelling so far.  He's a bit of a quite achiever my boy.  Anyway there was an extra piece of papwork included.  Glancing over it I saw that he had achieved an Academic Award to be presented to him at assesmbly next term together with a special morning tea with the other awardees, parents and teachers.  OMG this Mumma was so very excited and PROUD.

He smiled and just said "ok".  Typical!

So I thought I hadn't really done a gushy Mummy post about my boy, so here it is! 

Introducing my Mr 13, Alec.

Given that he's 13, here are thirteen things about my boy:

• wickedly dry sense of humour
• kind
• loving
• plays baseball
• broke his arm after being hit by a car (that's a WHOLE post in its own people!)
• plays rugby league
• sensitive
• great friend
• a smile that will melt your heart
• broke his arm playing indoor soccer for school (not so dramtic this time!)
• quite achiever
• social
• confident

There you go a little bit about my boy. My heart. My soul.

Allright can someone pass me a tissue?!

sunday session/feeding the soul {brickwalls}



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How do you get over your brick walls?